Getting Connected

Fred Seddon, whose research work with groups of musicians we quoted earlier, used the term ‘empathetic attunement’ to describe performers who are ‘locked in’ to each other’s performances. These players are, as he put it, ‘decentred’ and focused as much on their fellow performers as they are on their own performance.

Dancers talk about ‘the connection’ between two dance partners. At one level, this is a technical concept: when partners dance, there is a ‘leader’ (usually, but not always, male) and a ‘follower’ (usually, but not always, female). The sexes don’t matter; it just works.

The person who ‘leads’ in dance sends astonishingly complex non-verbal information to their partner about what is going to happen next via the physical and visual connection between them: the touch of their hands and the weight and momentum that conveys; the angles of their bodies and the shape of the ‘frame’ that they jointly create.

Two dancers with a good connection are able to improvise what to the novice seem to be astonishingly complex dance moves. If you ask them to explain how they did this, dancers tend to answer, “We just made it up.” Or the female dancer says, “I just followed his lead.”

They don’t need to discuss things beforehand to improvise in this way; once they start dancing together, it becomes obvious to each what they should do next.

In dance, a good technical connection depends on just the right amount of muscle tension and power. If the lead is too forceful, the follower looks as if she is being ‘pushed around’ – because she is. This is aesthetically horrid and doesn’t win any prizes (or any thanks from your dance partner).

There is another aspect to a good connection between two dancers: they are clearly ‘there for each other’. When one partner moves, they move together, as one. You can see the connection in their eyes.

Not only is this beautiful to watch, it enables great performances. Even the layman can spot the absence of a good connection in dance: the dancers are dancing together but in isolation; there is no spark, no warmth, no emotion. It’s like someone playing a piece of music perfectly but without emotional intelligence. It doesn’t work. It leaves us cold.

Kristjan Järvi, himself an orchestral conductor, gives a good description of ‘the connection’ between musicians when talking about his father, the famous Estonian conductor Neeme Järvi:

The most incredible thing to learn from him, and also when I see him teach, is that it is the most subtle, genuine and intuitive form of communication when you can actually assess and feel each other

through small gestures and glances.

You get such an amazing result – one that is so hard to explain in words. You reach such a level of understanding and honesty that

words aren’t needed.

That’s the most wonderful thing I see when my father conducts. He doesn’t need to show or prove anything. It’s a miraculous result

with hardly any effort. That’s true virtuosity.²⁰

James Jolly, ‘A Conducting Dynasty’

One of the best descriptive frameworks for the kinds of personal behaviours that allow us to connect successfully with other people was given by the great voice coach and theatre director, Patsy Rodenburg, who has taught many of the leading actors of our day.

In her book, The Second Circle, Rodenburg talks about ‘Three Circles’ of energy, which could be described as three ways of being. For her, the Three Circles explained the mystery of why some actors had ‘presence’ and others did not.

Rodenburg describes the First Circle as a state of ‘self and withdrawal’. In this self-absorbed state, ‘it’s all about me’ and energy is sucked from the world outside to feed whatever it is I’m currently obsessing about.

The Third Circle is a state of ‘bluff and force’ – Rodenburg talks rather nicely about “spraying your energy out to the world with an aerosol can”. In this state, I’m out to impress and everything I do is about making sure that the outside world truly understands my wonderfulness. Many leaders (and actors) slip into this mode. It can be very impressive, but it has no real connection with the outside world; other people exist as an audience, not as individuals in their own right.

The Second Circle, in contrast, is all about connecting and using the energy of connection. You are there, in the moment, for the people you deal with.

This is ‘the connection’. This is ensemble mode.

Here’s more on Rodenburg’s three circles of energy: